Rather than repeat what Chris Lowney says in chapter 8 of Heroic Living about how to make good choices, I’m going to dwell on what gets in the way of wise decision making.
Not enough information. Sometimes I can’t make a decision because I don’t know enough about the situation—or because my information is lopsided. For instance, as I consider working with a certain organization, I should be open to hearing what others say about their experiences with that organization. This means I listen to those who have had good experiences but also to those who have some criticisms to voice.
Not enough detachment to be objective. The more emotional I am about the possible options, the more care I must take not to let those emotions run away with my decision making. For instance, I really want to move to a certain town because I grew up there or because for whatever reason I feel safe there. Give me options for other locations, and I will automatically look for reasons they aren’t good enough. As long as I hold on to the option I want, I can’t assess if that’s the option that truly is best.
Not enough confidence in my own ability to hear the Holy Spirit. Sometimes I am waiting for a “supernatural” sign from God, when all along the Holy Spirit is working within me—even within my emotions and desires—to give me that intuitive sense that A is the wrong thing to do and D is the right thing. Of course, in order to attend to this interior movement, I must learn to be still long enough to sense it. Which means that a wise decision-making process includes time for quiet and reflection.
Not enough good counsel. God created us to flourish in community. Sometimes I don’t have the answer to a problem because I must find it in the presence of others. This balances out what I perceive from my own impulses and opinions. Another person can help me sort out what I’m feeling as well as look carefully at the information I have at hand. Sometimes the answer comes only after I have prayed with others. None of us—regardless of personality—is designed to make all decisions in a vacuum.
In an ideal decision-making process, I gather the information I need, apply some emotional distance if necessary, spend time quietly listening and sensing my deeper wisdom, and accept the help of good counselors (friends, family, or professionals) as I ponder the possibilities.
God wants us to make decisions wisely, but it’s not all about the outcome. Much of what we gain happens in the midst of the praying and discerning. Consider it quality time with Jesus!
Exercise:
I encourage you to read chapter 8 of Heroic Living: “Make Great Choices,” and answer the questions scattered throughout. You can read part of the chapter, starting with “The X Factor” (pages 106-110).
Also, spend some time with these questions:
- In what areas of my life are my decisions most likely to be influenced by emotional attachments of some kind?
- Do I usually sense when the Holy Spirit is speaking to me? And if so, what are the indications?
- Which two or three people would I consider going to if I needed help with a decision? Do I need their help right now with a decision I’m facing?
You can find the chapter I mention above here:
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
My mother had a major choice to make in later life. As we compared the pros and cons of where she would live, she said, “It doesn’t really matter. God expects us to look at all the pros and cons, but when the choice is to be made, He will open a door. It may not even be one of the doors we are looking at.” It is a variation of the (and I can’t find the quote, but it is something like “Pray that God’s will be done; work as though it depended on you.”) In other words, you do what you can with your talent and resources and the outcome will be what God wants for you even if you have not used those talents and resources to ‘perfection.’
My daughter said it another way: In this family, we always assume the best is going to happen.
My personality type is highly ‘intuitive’ so most of the major decisions I have made, I can’t explain why. I knew. (one reason why I have never tried to be a mentor for engaged couples or new parents – I didn’t do anything ‘by the rules’ or even the best balance of pros and cons. It just seemed right, what I was supposed to do.)
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This is really interesting given that I had some major choices to make in the last week about possible surgery. It’s really hard to make the best choices –or even to engage in the best decision making process–when you’re tired and scared and you’ve been in the hospital for 4 days. Hard too to discern the prompting of the Spirit. Fortunately, I had a strong community who loved me and was praying for me, including a very wise doctor who recommended a second opinion. All that and an asprin kept me from making what it turns out would have been a very bad decision.
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Vinita Reply:
August 25th, 2009 at 2:41 pm
That’s what community is for. Thank God.
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Mary Reply:
August 25th, 2009 at 3:56 pm
Absolutely. I’ve never had a more powerful experience of God’s protection or the power of prayer..
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That’s what community is for. Thank God.;…
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Betsy Henley Reply:
September 22nd, 2009 at 7:00 am
Yes, a praying community is the most wonderful thing. I have just returned home after brain surgery last week. I realized that all the people praying and bringing food,etc. are doing it for the least of His brothers, for Jesus, himself, in me. Others have had to make all the decisions and my family responded so lovingly. Both daughters and my son – and their spouses. Not to mention neighbors and church community plus extended prayer chains of friends – Catholics, Baptists, Methodists, even Universalist Unitarians! Praying not only for me, but for my caregivers. Now the major decision is how my daughter and granddaughter are going to return to Atlanta safely!
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Mary Reply:
September 22nd, 2009 at 11:58 am
Brain surgery. . . Wow. So are you ok?
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Betsy Henley Reply:
September 25th, 2009 at 6:36 am
So far, so good. I am recovering from surgery ok, but since the brain tumor had come from a lung tumor, I probably have a long road ahead – if I recover at all.
My hairdresser cut my hair so that I have a 1980s Flock of Seagull look! My daughter and friends had it, but I didn’t have the nerve then though I thought it was a cool look!
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