What I like about this song is its honesty: “I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.” The singer proclaims this even though he believes “in the kingdom come,” even though he knows that “you broke the bonds and loosed the chains, you carried the cross and all my shame.” In other words, we will always have desire for even more—more grace, peace, love, wisdom, freedom. This is what Ignatian spirituality calls “the magis”—the greater, the excellent, the best. And I believe that this drive for more is at the very heart of our human desire.
This post is a part of An Ignatian Prayer Adventure, Week 5.
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Every year I look forward to the Lentan Retreat, I come alive on Ash Wednesday.( I can’t believe we are into week 5) and I have been brain dead so far just can’t get into the spirit of the retreat. I feel spiritually, emotionally and physical dead. (I am no stranger to Ignatian retreats/spirituality)
When I saw the title of this weeks prayer ” What I’am Looking For” I am looking to get out of the desert/desolation pray and meditate on the material suggested every day and stop gazing at the screen. I need a jump start.
The videos are great the shares are wonderful. I envy all those people with spiritual experiences/spiritual releases/spiritual relief.
Vanita, Thank you for all you and your staff continue to give of yourselves.
Breda, thanks for your honesty. I’m sure you’re not the only retreatant who’s having trouble focusing and feeling some benefit from the retreat material. As someone familiar with Ignatian spirituality, you understand that whatever we’re feeling–or not feeling–is an indication of some sort. Go to the desolation and ask for grace as you look at it and consider what it is and where it’s from. It could be that you are simply physically quite tired, or that circumstances in your life have been emotionally draining–and you have little in terms of personal energy with which to engage with the retreat. There may be some other deep resistence you have not yet identified. Resistance tells us where we’re stuck–and although we’re prone to think it has something to do with sin, often it’s not sin so much as woundedness or difficulty.
Please keep in mind that God knows exactly where you are and why; God knows your heart and that you desire to do this interior work. God knows if this retreat work is the work that’s best for you at this point–the retreat material may not be the work that’s best for you right now, but may be a good point to start and get you to where you need to be. God also knows where you are wounded or exhausted, or where you are resisting the work that needs to happen. None of this is a surprise to God, and I don’t believe it’s a disappointment to God, either–it simply is. It’s where you are right now, and so that’s where the grace will be.
Thank you again for sharing what’s going on. Peace to you as you continue in your unfolding life as God’s child! — Vinita