During August, I’ll focus on how Ignatian principles of spiritual growth are quite fitting for those of us in the second half of life. “Find Your Inner Iggy” is the title of a promotion Loyola Press had going on Facebook recently, and I really like the sound of that phrase—rather whimsical.
Embody Gratitude and Joy
Nobody likes cranky old people. Each of us has experienced such a person, maybe several, in our family or community or workplace. This is the person who is never pleased or happy. She is quick to find something to criticize, no matter the person or situation. If something goes well, she’ll remind everyone that the happiness won’t last for long, or that something’s sure to go wrong, to counteract what’s gone right.
Visit a nursing home, and you’ll find definite categories of people. Some of them are pleasant and patient and positive, and you enjoy talking with them, learning about their lives and sharing your stories with them. Others are poison-filled, and it’s little wonder they never have visitors. Of course, some very fine people in nursing homes don’t have visitors for reasons beyond their control. But some people are alone because they have chased off everyone who might have kept them company. (Please know that I’m not talking about people who suffer Alzheimer’s or other mental illness that changes their personality and makes them difficult.)
The fact is, as we become older, we become more of who we truly are. My future—and yours—is this: a few years from now we’ll live in a room or two, cut off from the life we once knew because we are too feeble, physically or mentally, to live on our own anymore. A few of us will have the financial means to end up in a nicer room, and some of us will be fortunate enough to be able to live with children or grandchildren.
But you and I are creating our future right now—by choosing whether to be grateful or resentful. By choosing whether to be joyful or despairing. These are choices we make every day, and they are spiritual habits we are building, hour by hour. We are, right now, becoming that older person, as we make daily decisions about how to be in this world.
St. Iggy’s Spiritual Exercises emphasize gratitude as the virtue by which we can receive God’s love that’s all around us in the world—in creation, in society, in the people with whom we live and work, and even in our own abilities and personality. In the opening Principle and Foundation, and again in the Contemplation to Attain Love, at the end of the Exercises, we open ourselves to God’s transforming love by recognizing all that is good and beautiful and wonderful and full of grace. We recognize it daily, and we respond to it with joy and gratitude.
I’ve been so blessed to know elderly people who, even in the nursing home in various states of debilitation, would smile and welcome me, would be generous and humorous, would make it clear that life was good. Unless I die sooner rather than later, I will indeed become an old woman, somewhere, and I want to be that woman—the one the staff comes to visit because she always makes them feel better, the old woman who jokes about her body falling apart and her memory playing tricks on her, the old woman who, when she prays, makes you so happy you just cry and believe.
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I have been fortunate that God has given me a grateful heart through many circumstances. I know that this is a gift from God and nothing that I have done myself. That makes it all the more awesome. Life is a gift and everyday we are given so many opportunities to look at our lives with gratitude just for being alive and for being in relationship with the Creator of the universe. Thanks for this post.
We noted that well during my work in nursing homes that some folk truly are dumped in there and forgotten by their GRATEFUL families. One interaction with them and you quickly find out why you too will get away as quickly as possible after their needs are taken care of. At least their family did that much. Acerbics aside there is much to be grateful for every moment.
I want to be that old person too! Loved this, a great reminder!! Finding my Inner Iggy , LOVE that too!
When my Mom had to be placed in a nursing home after 16 MONTHS in the hospital, her first roommate was a very unhappy woman that could make things difficult for Mom and the staff. While Mom had much to be unhappy about such as loss of ability to play piano after 70 years of doing so and teaching piano and organ she did not falter. While she had to stay out of her beloved home she did not whine. Instead she greeted everyone with a smile and still does after 9+ years there. She looks forward to things and is not afraid to show gratitude. If she has an occasional bad day she later apologizes. I can only pray that I can be the same way when adversity strikes and be the kind of witness to love and gratitude she is. If I sound like I love her-I do and am so very grateful that she is still with us!
And I am so grateful for your mom’s example and for you sharing it here. There really are spiritual role models–if we learn to notice and appreciate them. Peace to you–Vinita
A lot to think about …. it is so very true that we become “more of who we truly
are as we get older…” I want to be more mindful of my attitude towards others
& learn to accept my situation , even when it can be difficult. Being grateful for WHAT I have! Thanks for the reminder!
I had an aunt in a nursing facility and on visitng her she was always very happy to see me. We would take a walk to look at her favorite picture of Niagara Falls and as we would walk while pushing her in her wheelchair the staff would always call her by name. It gave me a good feeling that there were caring people to look after her and her needs.
Lovely post and it triggered a memory. When I was in college, one of my roommates was a nursing major. One day she came home and told us her professor had told them that day that people don’t get old. I’m thinking, what planet does this professor live on? But then, she clarified, we don’t get old; we grow old. Exactly what this blog talks about so clearly! Thanks, Vinita, Ann
“As we become older we become more of what we truly are.”
That line hit home.
I hope it’s not too late for who I truly am to be more of whom I truly want to be.
We don’t have to attain old age to discover what we are most like. Absent Botox, poor dentition, or a wasting illness, we all ought to look in the mirror at the age of, oh, say, about forty, and note the lines we see. Are they laugh lines or scowl lines?
Heck, I think there even is something in Proverbs about a sourpuss attitude ruining even a beautiful woman’s looks! Something about “looking like a sullen bear” or something like that. Memo to self: Go find the quote.
Growing old gracefully is a virtue. One which I am trying to follow as an example from various elderly friends. One of which recently passed. She mentored me while I raised my children, with such encouragement and joyful spirit. Always reflecting on God’s love for all.
I personally feel my age is a temporary state. I eventually remember where I left my glasses. And am not that old. Just a hint of things to come. I take with me a message from a Homily I heard recently. God wants us to be Grateful. So everyday, I find at least one thing to be grateful for. My greatest joy are my grandchildren who keep me young.
Today I have a challenging task ahead of me: to write some words of remembrance to honor my beloved father. The overwhelming sentiment when I reflect on his life is: gratitude. Thank you, for the inspiring post, Vinita!
Growing old is a challenge and a leap of faith. The older you get and close friends are one by one passing away you feel so vulnerable and sometimes insecure. But all these feelings disappear when you anchor yourself to our Lord Jesus and His mother who is and will be there for you at all times. Without faith life can be a roller coaster drive.
We’re celebrating three years of marriage today. From a cheerful, grateful person, these three years brought out the worst in me. I know that being a negative, sourly, ingrate is not my true self and God help me, I don’t want to be the miserable old lady in the nursing home. God blessed me with a good husband whom I always treat poorly. Thank you Vinita for this wake-up jolt that I so badly need. It’s a challenge to grow old gracefully and to have a cheerful and grateful spirit, but I will persevere through God’s grace. Please pray for me.
Maria, the important thing is that you see what needs work and grace. Prayers sent up on your behalf–Vinita