Enjoy this excerpt from Chapter 9 of Catherine Brunell’s book, Becoming Catholic, Again.
I sway in the opposite direction too, away from feeling that I am not enough and toward fearing that I am too much. I know God’s love, and then I expect monumental things from myself because of it. I think, were I to get to such and such a level of consciousness, I could produce and create more than I ever imagined. Quickly though, I become paralyzed by the fear that I will never live up to this potential. In ten years I’ve had three different jobs and have oscillated between a mom who works outside the house, a mom with a part-time job, and a stay-at-home mom who would pay someone else for an hour’s work without children. My path of becoming, in the worldly sense, has not been as straight as others. I wonder if I’ll ever land on what I’m supposed to do and be. When I am feeling lighter about the subject and can see it from the center of my faith, I know that I have tried to be open to God. In these moments I believe again in living as a process, and I find a hopeful patience for myself and my path. As long as I’m up for ongoing discernment, my path is as straight as it needs to be. Fear returns around most of life’s corners, though, and each time I wonder if this will be the moment when I will successfully paint my potential into a corner.
For the DDF community: How do you cultivate a “hopeful patience for myself and my path”?