For the beginning of 2013, let’s keep it simple. How do we move forward into the new year without getting bogged down in unrealistic expectations and hyper plans for the months ahead?
I’ll be referring to my book, Simple Acts of Moving Forward, but also will try to generate even more ideas for moving forward in ways that are positive, hopeful—and not overwhelming.
But first, let’s think about what gets in the way of moving forward. What should we look out for? For me, it’s the temptation to plan way too much and get overwhelmed before I’ve even begun. Another thing that gets in my way is being my own worst critic; it’s hard to get better at something when there’s this annoying voice (mine) criticizing my every move.
How about you, DDF community? What gets in the way of moving forward?
{ 30 comments… read them below or add one }
People who think they know better asking four thousand questions.
I have a comfort zone that I find it hard to leave. I also believe that if I don’t have every “duck in a row” I can’t move forward. I have several goals for 2013, and hope to move forward in completing them. These goals have me doing somethings outside of my comfort zone
I know all about comfort zones. Good for you–that’s a worthy goal. Peace–Vinita
I also know comfort zoneds well and as a perfectionist I often am so very hesitant to step forward….. “What if it doesn’t work”? “what if people don’t like me then?” Simple steps are the best way to go. I really look forward to continuing this conversation.
“4000 questions,” “comfort zones,” “ducks,” and “inner critics”…those all sound familiar. But I can really relate to the 4000 questions. How to begin when the questions haven’t been answered?
You say thanks for your input and then they go away happy and you just do what you planned in the first place. You don’t need to answer their questions or even your own, that only confuses us and it’s a stall tactic and man am I good at that one. That’s how what-ifs take root and snake their vines along our planning brains. Like Nike says, just do it. Ya Linda, get that chapter finished.
Jane, I think we simply answer those questions one at a time, in the midst of living “ordinary” life. Sometimes we live the questions, even if it doesn’t seem we’ve found the answers. Your life is a wonderful example of moving forward daily, even in messy situations where there are still many questions unanswered. Peace to you–Vinita
LIFE!!!! Too many things that pop up from family members or from workplace. No matter how hard I want to get things into perspective spiritually I cannot seem to do so. With 6 kids and 6 grandkids, a mother in a nursing home, my husband, house and even my job as Director of Faith Formation I don’t find the time to put any long term goals into place. I HAVE carved out a chunk of time early morning to do some of it but that appears to be all I can do-for now. Moving forward in baby steps-daily-is all for the time being but look forward to a day when I can make bigger steps in whatever God has in mind for me. A blessed new year to each of you!
SusieQ, I hope you can see that all of the things you do–the kids and grandkids, elder care, being a loving wife, and serving as Director of faith formation–in all of these activities you are in fact moving forward every day. These responsibilities are your life’s work–at least part of it–and every day you’re a loving grandma, the whole universe moves forward! Don’t discount all the worthy activities in this full life you have. You are already in forward motion, even though I’m sure that some days you feel you are marching in place. When we live out our callings–and we have many callings in a lifetime–we are moving forward, and God of the universe is so pleased. Enjoy God’s pleasure–Vinita
Thanks for these encouraging words, Vinita.
Sometimes, whether or not we are perfectionists, as it seems several of us may be based on the comments so far, we need to ask for help from others. Also, they say that making an appointment with yourself to do something, and putting it into the calendar, is a good idea. Then, if someone wants you for something (and there is always something to pull us away!) — and it is hard to say “no,” we can say, SIMPLY, I cannot at that time because I have an appointment. No need to say it is an appt. with oneself. :-) Thanks, Vinita for this conversation.
I’ve heard several people recommend making an appointment with yourself. Maybe I’ll try it this year. Peace–Vinita
Over-programming basically. Repeatedly. A couple of great events are already planned for this year and I can’t help thinking of more.
I hope to be open to what’s to come basically. In fact, I’m really happy at the idea to be surprised.
What gets in my way the most is doing all the things I’m “supposed to do” first, and only when the house is clean, the laundry is done, the groceries are bought, the dinner is cooked and cleaned up, etc. then can I do for me. I’m my biggest obstacle. Sometimes I think I’m more afraid of success than failure. Good topic.
I think we are still listening to old parental tapes: you can have more when you finish what’s on your plate; finish your plate; yes you do have to go to the bathroom before we go out, etc.
Oh boy, do I relate to this comment! I tend to do best when my world is clean and ordered, which means that sometimes I’m cleaning and putting things away when doing something else would be the better choice–if I could get out of that comfort zone of clean-and-organized. One thing that’s helped me is having a space in the house just for my creative/spiritual work. It’s a space that’s mine alone, so I can keep it in better shape without a lot of work. And that’s where I go to do creative work, leaving the rest of the house out of my sight for a while. For many years the only space I had for this was an easy chair in the corner of the bedroom; now I have a small room off the main bedroom of the house, where no else enters unless I’m there and invite them. I can’t work at the dining room table when the house is a mess. I can’t work in the family room because the television is there and tempts me too much. I allow time for television and house cleaning. But when I get serious about me-work, off to my little room I go. I have let that habit slide in recent months, but I know that separate space does help. Hope this is helpful to you. Peace–Vinita
Wow, Vinita…what a “loaded” question…especially for women!
We women are inherently gifted with the ability to “multi-task.”
Susie Q’s post was the perfect example! I can so relate to the multi-tasking..to the seizing of time in the early morning hours…just to “be” and maybe then to plan the litany of duties.
Recently, a yoga teacher voiced a great truth during class…she advised us to “silence the inner critic…” I cannot recall what followed that bombshell piece of advice, but, the words resonated…
So, in moving forward…I would like to share two words taken from today’s Ignatian Spirituality blogpost….let’s pray for God’s love… and grace… to direct us this year. He knows the plans that He has for us…In my effort to “move forward” this year, I will try to let Him lead for a change…and try to make time for a true Sabbath.
Your yoga instructor is absolutely correct. My inner critic/editor is male and likes to make himself heard. Multi tasking doesn’t shut him up either since he seems to operate on all levels. It’s a wonder I can hear God’s whisper over all that racket.
Praying for love and grace is foundational to any moving forward, I think. And silencing the inner critic is something I’ve had to learn as a writer–otherwise I’d never get past page one. You’re right about women being multi-taskers. Sometimes a woman’s way of moving forward is to stop motion for a bit and simply savor one thing for a few moments–to live in the moment can be difficult when we are doing many things at once. Life requires multi-tasking but not all the time. My simple act of moving forward for now–at least through January–is to sit for fifteen minutes in quiet when I get home from work each day–maybe with a glass of wine or with a cup of tea, maybe with a dog’s or cat’s company. But fifteen minutes of stillness and savoring the cat’s purr, the dog’s coat, the taste of my comfort drink, and being grateful for another workday accomplished. I know you will find the simple acts that fit your life this year. Peace–Vinita
Thank you! What a wonderful suggestion…”to stop motion for a bit and simply savor one thing…”
Enjoy your comfort beverage, especially after the work week, and enjoy taking the time to savor the moment.
Thanks to everyone for the meaningful thoughts on “moving forward.”
The comments really ignited deeply felt thoughts, especially with the New Year that we celebrated this week.
Vinita, thanks for this topic which is close to my heart. I really appreciate all the comments made so far – I can relate to most of them and found each comment helpful. May God of bless each of you, and help us to assist each other along this journey of life.
Vinita,
I just purchased your book on moving forward, for a son who can’t seem to do so. You suggested making a list. Well, I’m an avid list maker mostly because I like to see the things I’ve done crossed off. The list actually helps me keep moving, but I can’t vouch for whether it’s forward or just more of the same. Once I got started listing, I wound up with over 100 items and got nervous, so I quit listing. However, I have crossed off 5 items so far, and it makes me feel like I have at least moved off the dime. I don’t know how long i can sustain this. Wish me good fortune and the grace to move forward, not just clean the spot I’m standing on.
Happy New Year to all of you who have responded. I found your comments helpful and illuminating. God bless you all.
Helen, please use a suggestion only so far as it is helpful. Sometimes a list is not the way to go because it becomes extensive and bogs us down. Other times it is helpful because it enables us to sort out things and see them on paper. Please just page through the book and try things that resonate with you–and stick with them only if they work! Peace to you–Vinita
Helen, 100 list items? Been there, done that.
Simple Solution: FlyLady.com.
*Simplify. (Keep it simple.)
*Succinct. (10 items or less.)
*Timer. (Do what you can in 15 minutes – use a timer.)
*Time-out. (Give yourself 15 minutes to rest after an hour of work.)
*Do it what you can today, (The sun will still rise in the morning.)
*Re-list for tomorrow.
**Praise God for small blessings!
Wow, I didn’t realize I had so much company! lol What resonates most with me (though I am taking away several helpful hints) is “the awareness of the pleasure of that sip of tea or wine” or “the connection with your pet”. I think if I learn to appreciate the few 15 minute increments that I CAN reflect, it will help rid the resentment I sometimes feel because I feel I like I am just not moving forward. Today I took 15 to read Caroline Myss for refueling and read something really beautiful:
To see a World in a grain of sand,
And a Heaven in a wild flower;
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand,
And Eternity in an hour.
Thank you Vinita and all contributors. (Suzie Q – you ARE moving forward. The many roles you are playing are helping to shape wonderful lives. Never forget that.) Now I must move on to quiet that inner critic. My family is always telling me I am much too hard on myself.
You get a quiet critic! I didn’t know those existed. Wow.
These thoughts, and Vanita your feedback, are wonderful. As I read all the input after my first comment I am finding so much gratification. I had hoped to create a “me space” but needed to purchase washer and dryer….. the chore list interfering. And about self critics I was blessed to spend some totally quiet time in the mountains this week with a marvelous friend who gently cautioned me about my frequent self criticism. what a long way we each have to go……… with God’s grace and direction. Good luck my deepening friendship friends and connections I look forward to the next thoughts
Pat, thanks for posting. I look forward to your continuing presence. All peace–Vinita
Dear Vinita and all the ladies who commented. I enjoyed reading the article and the comments as well. It helps me a lot to see that I’m not alone. And yes, my list overwhelms me…it is too long. I have recently retired and it is only now I realize how exacting, I could have been. Learning to take one step at a time is difficult but it seems this is the only way. I try to limit multi-tasking and it has helped me focus. God bless you and your work Vinita. It is so wonderful!
Today after reading my three minute retreat, I just happened upon your blog page! What a gift from God; speaking directly to where I am right at this moment.
Thank you to each and every one of you. I have felt so alone with my constant doubting myself, what I am trying to accomplish.
I am a lector at church, Eucharistic minister, RCIA dismissal and hold two women’s bible studies in my home. I feel honored and truly blessed to be able serve; yet I experience many days of stumbling and hesitation. To read and realize that those are still signs of movement happening is so uplifiting for me. Thank you ladies. Thank you dear Lord.