Today is my birthday—I am 55. And while, to some in the DDF community, that’s still relatively young, the second-half-of-life issues Paula Huston addresses in A Season of Mystery do apply to me. Will I continue to strive after what I want in life as though I will live forever and have endless energy and resources? Some days I find myself still striving far too much—for approval, for a sense of accomplishment, for a better face or body, for something to comfort my losses.
Really, I think that most women who are even a few years past child-rearing age must confront very basic questions about how to approach life. Whether you are a mother or not a mother, whether you are a vowed nun, a woman in a long-standing career, married or not—after a certain age (and that varies from person to person), you must re-assess what an “abundant” life is for you. Here’s a great excerpt from A Season of Mystery to start our week and for me to begin the next year of my life.
If life’s purpose lies in getting what we want, as our culture insists, then freedom becomes a very big deal. Freedom, we think, is what allows us to exercise our “inalienable right” to the pursuit of happiness. With this view of freedom, it’s easy to feel threatened by constraint. Our instinct is to resist it with all our might, for it impedes our ability to live the life we think we want.
Yet to maximize this kind of freedom requires that we minimize or even eliminate serious relationships. For the more we rely on others or others rely on us, the less free we are to go wherever we wish to go, pursue whatever we wish to pursue, and do whatever we wish to do. Love constrains us. And in a society devoted to personal self-fulfillment, the cost of love often seems too high.
Surprisingly, freedom is a very big deal in the Gospels, too. However, here it means something quite different from what it means in twenty-first-century America. When Jesus says that “the truth will make you free” (John 8:36), he does not mean free to pursue personal happiness. When St. Paul says that it is “for freedom Christ has set us free” (Galatians 5:1), he does not mean we now have permission to satisfy our every impulse and whim. Quite the contrary. In the Bible, the “free” person is the one no longer plagued by the burdensome quest for money, pleasure, possessions, social status, and political power—the very things that our culture says will satisfy our deepest wants and make us happy. (p. 17)
- What have these later years of your life taught you about freedom and unfreedom?
- How do freedom and happiness reside together in your life?
- What have you done lately to help free yourself from the harmful tendencies mentioned in this excerpt?
{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }
The best thing I ever do for myself is to ignore chronology and societal opinions/expectations. In other words I am free.
Happy birthday
When I turned 50 (almost two decades ago now) I felt very free to ignore societal pressures…to speak out instead of remaining quiet…to say “No” and not get dragged in to activities others think I should be involved in…
And I give myself less pressure…why shouldn’t I sit and read something that is of great interest to me instead of washing dishes immediately???
I, too, recently had a birthday turning 51. At this time in my life, my husband and I are beginning to do things a bit differently; taking time for ourselves and each other; going places to get away for it all. It is my hope and prayer that I can let go of all of “life’s” demands and live free each day – knowing that this “freedom” is a gift from God.
Happy Birthday!
Happy Birthday!
Great questions. I will be 60 this summer and am asking similar questions very intently. My 50s started out in a quiet and ordinary fashion, but the last five years have been, albeit quite unforeseen at 50, those of the of the most major achievements and deepest loss of my life. Now that I have more or less absorbed both extremes, which combined mean that I am approaching this decade with considerably different expectations than those of most of my peers, I find the question of “What is abundant life?” for my 60s, 70s, and beyond to be quite pressing.
Robin, I think quite a number of us go through big changes we never expected during these decades. “What is abundant life” continues to be a relevant question. Peace to you, and thanks for posting–Vinita
Happy Birthday!
I will soon be 50 ~ eek! I have a little pencil written diary from when I was 15, which declares in rather horrified fashion in one entry: ‘thought about being 50!’
To me, at that time such an age was not only aeons away but suggested a completely different person, both physically and in personality …
How wrong was I!
Not only am I still quite recognisable (yes, honest) as that long ago 15 year old, but she is still here inside, albeit with a few crows feet & colour on her hair. Her dreams and aspirations have changed a bit and she has definitely matured and grown: now a woman of faith, married sadly without longed for children, but with nieces & nephews and a new desire for spiritual children.
Also, a busy career in the British NHS.
Yes I want to embrace that freedom as I enter this new decade, I have had to relinquish the striving for those things I had felt were a ‘right’ (not so) and allow myself to feel valued as the woman I am, as God sees and knows, and am beginning to find true fulfillment …
Bless you on this journey, Allie. Thanks for posting. We need one another’s stories–to give courage, a bit of humor, some wisdom, and lots of hope.–Vinita
Happy Birthday to you. What an excellent post.
Several points resonated with me, (approaching 47 but raising kids still) because I do feel the natural inclination to get moving. But, having opted to have my children later, I am “enslaved” by that love. A constraint I happily welcome but one that I also have to admit slows down my progress. Consequently, there are times when I get discouraged that I am not able to do something or other because right now they come first. But the joy lies in that there is nothing else I want to do, there is no where that I would rather be, and with no one that I would rather spend my time…especially since two are teenagers and time is fleeting.
I have lately determined that I probably won’t achieve a couple of my goals, and I am beginning to make my peace with that. If I am surprised in the end by a different outcome, all the better. But in the meantime, I am not measuring my worth or success by any one elses standards and to me that is real freedom. (I am sure that confidence will fluctuate often but it is a good start.) BUT I will have to learn to better forgive my aging body that houses a more youthful spirit. :)
I already feel I have abundance, my issue is using it for the betterment of society…we’ll see how that goes.
The important thing is that you are aware of what’s happening in your life, and you face it with attentiveness and faith. Those two qualities will take you a long way. Thanks for posting–Vinita
For the last decade or so, i have tried to live keeping psalm 130 in mind. I can´t transcribe it because my Bible is in my native language, portuguese, it is all about having no desires and resting like a child in its mother´s arms
Maria
I too wish you a happy birthday! You are still “young” with, hopefully, years to go. Nearing 70 myself, and having lost my husband over 6 yrs. ago to an accident, life has taken many twists and turns for me. On the day my husband died, the coroner brought home to me his wallet & keys. He was gone. He had no more need of things as we know them. He was now in another place. I learned for sure on that day that we are not in control, struggle as we might, but that only God Himself is in control. I learned that freedom and happiness and peace consist in loving and serving Him, and that means caring for the sick, the hungry, the poor, etc. as we are Jesus’ hands and feet while here on this earth. There is more joy and happiness and freedom in looking outward and giving of oneself that attaining worldly goods could ever be. We are made for God and only He can fill the hole in our hearts that this world can never satisfy. Living for Him is truly the abundant life, and a very full one indeed. God bless you all!
Thank you, Maeve, for those encouraging words, coming as they do from your own difficult but grace-filled experience! We need to hear stories like yours. Peace–Vinita
I was just talking about this yesterday. I didn’t use the word freedom. I used the word peace. I have a peace to myself that I have been searching for. I still have every day problems or my daughters coming to me with their problems but I’m not getting caught up in the drama. It’s like, where did this come from? Then I say to myself , just enjoy it!
Happy Birthday Vinita!
Freedom has become a gift I gave myself. Moving to a new community, starting over was difficult. It has taken me approx. 3 years to finally tell myself, this is the year I am ready to put myself out there. White hair, short, no career to brag about, among many things that bound me to what others thought. During my hibernation, I learned to accept myself as God made me. I appolgize to no one for any short comings but do strive to look confidently and honestly at self and do some soul search to better myself. (the Examen). Allowing myself to let age determine capabilites, set me back. This is the year I feel free to let God work through me once more and stop trying to do it myself. If he created me, He must have had a purpose. And God doesn’t make mistakes so why was I second guessing Him.
My husband advised me to let others know on the onset of any commitment, to establish how much time I could give of myself. Applies to family, too, doesn’t it?
I agree with Ellen. It is peace that I wanted for myself, accepting who I am and have found others are accepting me.
Faith, Hope and Love = Peace and so I try to live by this faith belief.
I don’t feel old even though most of the young ones that have posted are definitely so, since I will be 64 in 7 mo. But our hearts are joined in a special “community”.
At any age we celebrate, so continue having a Blessed year, (Happy Birthday,) Vinita
Sounds like a smart woman (with a smart husband). I never let my age or anything else get in the way of anything nor do we consider 64 old up here in Canada — in fact our octogenarians are back in the workplace. While I disagree with that (give the kids a chance) it’s very heartening to see life just go on and on with none of the old lady stuff about shawl and rocker and looking out the window till the grim reaper comes to call. Thank God.
Thank you for sharing your story, Corina. I benefit from it, and I’m sure others do as well. Peace to you–Vinita
Happy Birthday, Vinita. Today would have been my mother’s 83d birthday, if she had not passed 3 years ago. Jan 22 has always been special to me. Now i’ll always remember you on this day going forward. I am so happy to have discovered your blog, and all the wonderful words from you and your followers. I’ve learned so much in the last 18 months about life as a woman, my friendship with the Almighty, and I am always filled up by the conversations you inspire. I hope you feel the good wishes coming your way. God bless.
Paige, we’re so happy you have joined the conversation! Thanks for posting–Vinita
A very Happy Birthday, and many happy returns!
I was elated on my 50th birthday – I felt I had “arrived”, a privilege to have lived to this birthday when generations past women’s lives were so short. That Christmas my daughter gave me a beautifully hand-knit superwash wool shawl – black, very large, what I had requested, made by her. It was a symbol of triumph for me. Now eight years later, I find growing older has freed me to be my more authentic self, I eat chocolate when I please, wear comfy jeans til they are worn and tattered. I am pleased with my grey hair, grateful to be well and strong. In becoming more myself, I am able to be more to others without feeling taken advantage of.